This is NOT over

Who says I'm gonna end this here? I think this is the perfect opportunity for a discussion about trust and that is exactly what I intend to write. But first I’m going to go out with Miss J, who I've just arranged to meet tonight. I'm not going to let this get me down. One thing I realised, and some of you might hate me for saying this, is that losing my virginity really wasn’t the big deal that I made it out to be. From this experience I’ve met a lot of new and interesting people and heard from many more. Rest assured, this will not knock me down. Although I am very disappointed and I feel used, let’s be realistic here, I only met Mr First Kiss twice. Although I did feel an affection for him (and am mourning the fact that the side of his character that I was attracted to doesn’t really exist,) until last week, he wasn’t even a part of my life. This may seem like a strange attitude to some of you, but that is how I feel.

Gutted

http://virgindeflowerer.blogspot.com

*THE FINAL DATE" Mr First Kiss strikes again

The reason I’ve been quite slow to report last night’s date with Mr. First Kiss is that I’ve experienced much internal conflict about whether or not I should post about it and if so, how much detail I should go into. Mr First Kiss’s earlier post about why he felt our relationship could go nowhere made me realise that whilst reporting so frankly about my experiences I wouldn’t be able to have him and meeting him yesterday made me realise that I really want to be with him.

I know this will disappoint those of you who were expecting things to end in some really dramatic and unusual way but that’s just not how it was. I’ve met somebody I really like and if I carry on writing like this then I won’t be able to be his girlfriend.

What I really like about Mr First Kiss is that he’s interested in me because of who I am, not because I’m a virgin. In fact, he was very hesitant yesterday and it was me that was forward. It was very hard to convince him that I really liked him and didn’t just want to go to bed with him because I was determined to lose my virginity. It wasn’t just about losing my virginity, it was about being with him.

I had a very enjoyable evening and although I probably went about finding somebody in the wrong way and consequently almost blew my chances with a really great guy, if I hadn’t started this blog I’d have never met him and for that I am very thankful.

Perhaps some people were expecting me to be more open about my first sexual experience because I have been so frank up until now, however I don’t think that would be very respectful to Mr First Kiss and I don’t want to risk losing him again.

*DATE* Miss J and the Joys of Masturbation

Miss J rocks. She is the most confident, frank and sensual person I have ever met and she has a way of really putting people at ease. Miss J seemed very concerned by the fact that I have never had an orgasm. There, I’ve said it. Never. Not once. A few times I thought I may have done but I wasn’t sure. Talking to Miss J clarified that I did not. She said that sometimes when a girl is close to climaxing it can feel very similar, which is certainly something to be grateful for, but that if I’d actually had a proper orgasm there would be no doubt in my mind that I had done. Miss J seemed to know an awful lot about orgasms and I think if I’d given her the chance she would have actually shown me how to do it! (although probably not in Borders coffee shop, which is where we met – sorry to all those who have been staking out the Turf in the hope of spotting me.) She had worked out a whole strategy to help me maximize the potential for having an orgasm the first time I have sex. It started with learning to orgasm alone (which was broken down into detailed steps) and then bringing myself to orgasm in front of a man, then letting a man try to bring me to orgasm with his fingers or tongue and then, once that was achieved, attempting to orgasm through what I used to term “real sex.” I can’t imagine touching myself up in front of a man, I would be so embarrassed! I think first I’d better focus on step one and then I can always choose to skip step two if I still don’t feel comfortable when I get there. Miss J had many suggestions for how to achieve step one. She was really keen for me to use the Rampant Rabbit that Mr. Generous gave me, (which is still in it’s original packaging, unopened,) but I find the idea of putting something other than my fingers, or someone else’s body parts inside me a bit disgusting. Miss J really couldn’t understand how I’d never had an orgasm before so she asked me all sorts of personal questions. I would have been too embarrassed to answer but she made me feel so comfortable that it was fine. When I told her how I touch myself she completely understood why I wasn’t having orgasms. She said I should try to start with clitoral orgasms. I can’t believe I’m writing this!

We talked for ages and we had such a good laugh that I suppose we must have got quite loud because I suddenly looked around and noticed that half of the coffee shop were looking at us. I was so embarrassed but Miss J didn’t seem at all bothered.
I think I’ll see Miss J again because we had such a good time together this afternoon.