Thursday, June 09, 2005
It's your blog too
I know this sounds like a really corny thing to say, but with all the comments you guys have been leaving and emails I’m being sent, I feel like this is our blog, not just mine. I’m logging on all the time to find out what you readers have had to say. I’m your biggest fan!
Taking a step back
There are two reasons why I haven’t posted for a couple of days. The first is that I was afraid that this was becoming more about the blog than the real me. I’ve been so preoccupied by answering reader’s questions and keep everybody entertained that I’ve lost focus of what’s really important. I know I’ve come under criticism for being egotistical and you’re probably wondering how I can possibly sit here and say that what I’ve written so far isn’t about me. Well of course it is but it’s only about one side of me, the side of me that is swept up in the excitement of this new adventure, the side of me that craves the attention and the side of me that’s fascinated by other people and the conflicting advice that I’ve been getting. I am deeper than that. I believe that everyone has many levels and two of those are “the underlying person” and “the person as he or she behaves today.” Obviously the latter is important but it is also crucial not to let your underlying personality drown away. This mission-thing started as a bit of fun, I’d just finished my finals and it was a bit of an anticlimax and I didn’t really know what to do next. All of my friends seemed to be in relationships and there was me, still a virgin and with opportunities to meet new people gradually slipping away. “The Virgin Student” seemed like a cheeky way to have some fun, I didn’t have really high expectations, in fact, I was surprised when I got any replies at all! After the initial astonishment that so many people seemed interested, I thought “Why not give it a try? If I meet someone I do and if I don’t, I don’t.” But things escalated beyond belief and suddenly there was I, receiving mail from over 60 people offering advice, offering themselves and in some cases attacking me. Many people emailed me saying that they loved my site and I was even approached by the local and student press, I began to feel pressured to keep my audience entertained. I realised that I’d become addicted to the attention and was changing my attitudes to suit my audience not myself which I don’t consider to be constructive.
The second reason for my sudden (although very short term) disappearance was that DF/Robin (who I will refer to as Robin from now on – the green hoody is growing on me) eventually returned one of my calls and we had a really long chat on the phone then I went over his place. He said he had suspected that I was the person behind “The Virgin Student” before our disastrous “date” but had to know for sure and so contacted me. He said he was really disappointed when his guesswork turned out to be correct and made it quite clear that he doesn’t agree with what I’m doing. I’m afraid that considering two out of the three “real life” people who know who I am disapprove, other decent human beings that I may someday wish to impress, may be disgusted and not wish to associate with me if I go through with this.
Although Robin and me had kissed the first time we met, nothing happened last night and to be honest, I didn’t really want it to. With the fun I’ve been having in the last week, I didn’t find his company very exciting but it did feel comfortable. I think he would make a better friend than sex interest. Even though he was in the comfort of his own home, he still wore far too much gel in his hair, I was scared that if I got too close to him he might stick to me.
Aside from enjoying the attention, I really do get a lot out of writing about my experiences. It would be a shame to stop now but I am getting cold feet about losing my virginity and there’s no sense in doing something just for the reading pleasure of others.
So that’s why I haven’t blogged for a while. I think I may spend the next few days catching up with people who have sent me interesting but platonic messages offering advice and expressing curiosity about me. I’ll keep you updated.
The second reason for my sudden (although very short term) disappearance was that DF/Robin (who I will refer to as Robin from now on – the green hoody is growing on me) eventually returned one of my calls and we had a really long chat on the phone then I went over his place. He said he had suspected that I was the person behind “The Virgin Student” before our disastrous “date” but had to know for sure and so contacted me. He said he was really disappointed when his guesswork turned out to be correct and made it quite clear that he doesn’t agree with what I’m doing. I’m afraid that considering two out of the three “real life” people who know who I am disapprove, other decent human beings that I may someday wish to impress, may be disgusted and not wish to associate with me if I go through with this.
Although Robin and me had kissed the first time we met, nothing happened last night and to be honest, I didn’t really want it to. With the fun I’ve been having in the last week, I didn’t find his company very exciting but it did feel comfortable. I think he would make a better friend than sex interest. Even though he was in the comfort of his own home, he still wore far too much gel in his hair, I was scared that if I got too close to him he might stick to me.
Aside from enjoying the attention, I really do get a lot out of writing about my experiences. It would be a shame to stop now but I am getting cold feet about losing my virginity and there’s no sense in doing something just for the reading pleasure of others.
So that’s why I haven’t blogged for a while. I think I may spend the next few days catching up with people who have sent me interesting but platonic messages offering advice and expressing curiosity about me. I’ll keep you updated.
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