I’ve spent most of the day doing boring chores but fortunately I was able to spare a couple of hours this evening for another date.
I met “Shorts Guy” at The Turf. It was a bit awkward because there were some groups of people I recognised from my college sitting outside so I had to try and find a spot away from them. I didn’t want to be interrupted. The most obvious thing about “Shorts Guy” was that he was wearing shorts even though it wasn’t a very warm evening. It was my immediate priority to find out how he managed to keep warm in such conditions. He explained to me that he wasn’t warm but that he just never wore trousers. On further enquiry I uncovered that he had had “A nasty experience” with a pair of trousers when he was 19 and had never worn any since. He wouldn’t give any further details as to the nature of said experience. I can only assume that it is a delicate matter, perhaps something similar to the unfortunate accident that happened to Ben Stiller’s character in “There’s Something About Mary.”
One of the great things about Shorts Guy was that he didn’t try too hard to impress me. He was just natural. He did however, make sure that I wasn’t short of drinks. This may have contributed to later events of the evening, although I am certainly far from drunk. I had forgotten that it was Sunday and therefore the pubs would shut early so when the barmaid called time I felt disappointed. Assuming that we wouldn’t find anywhere that was open past 11pm on a Sunday night in Oxford I invited him back to my place.
On the way back from the pub Shorts Guy put his arm around me and I knew that meant we would kiss when we got to mine, if not before. As it happened, it was before, and several times. By the time we got to my place I was really horny and I started to think that maybe tonight was the night. We got into my room and we were kissing passionately before I’d even had time to close my door. Suddenly there was a crash, my shopping trolley crashed to the ground. Now although when my shopping trolley is unfolded it is very obviously a shopping trolley, when it’s folded up it looks similar to a folded pushchair. I’ve never seen a man look so scared, all the colour disappeared from his cheeks,
“Is that a pushchair?” he asked, clearly terrified that I had a child. He was relieved when I explained that it wasn’t a pushchair but didn’t really seem too impressed that I had my own shopping trolley. He said that was what old ladies had. I protested, by which stage a conversation was in mid swing and the mood had been completely ruined. Shorts Guy went to use the bathroom and while he was gone I started to panic because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have sex with him or not and I felt like he expected me to because I’d invited him back to mine. When he came back from the bathroom I told him that I was actually really tired and getting a bit of a headache. He tried to kiss me again and I kissed him back but I was very reserved. I showed him out and then returned to my room feeling both relieved and disappointed at the same time.
Current exclusion criteria:
-married men
-people who list more than 2 insecurities during any 5 minute period
-people who feel they need to take consecutive showers in order to be truly clean
-people who can’t judge the right and wrong moments to start a kiss
-women
-people who don’t reveal their gender before the date
-people who demand a decision too soon
-people who wear too much aftershave
-people I don’t find physically attractive
-people who charge for sex
-people who offer me money for sex
-people who sulk-hypocritical people
-people who don’t turn up
-people who I suspect to be undercover reporters
-really, really boring people
-people who want to convert me to their religion
-people who buy me inappropriate presents
-times when I don't feel completely comfortable about having sex
How do I apologise to him? - 1 reply
3 days ago
32 comments:
hardly seems the right way to go about your quest.
you don't say much about how much you liked shorts guy - you say that you liked the fact he acted naturally, but other than that you don't mention if he's good looking, good company etc.
if you wanted to loose it to a guy because you happened to be feeling drunk & horny, why not just go to park end, get pissed & get laid.
You could have landed yourself in a very unpleasant situation there had you been less lucky. Does seem strangely contrary to the considered nature of your quest so far; though perhaps not any less healthy than what I presumed was your intention, it does seem that being willing to jump into things so suddenly makes a mockery of all the time and thought you have put into this.
Remember to remember also that you don't have to go 'all the way' with your chosen guy the first time you let him 'get in your pants', for want of a better phrase.
I guess our desires get the better of us all from time to time!
Oh, and I'm not surprised he was a little disturbed by you having a shopping trolley!
Question for the ladies out there: in a situation when you decide you need to stop, if there is a risk the guy might try and pressure himself onto you, where would you be safest in the first place: at his place, where in theory you just have to leave; or at your place, where although you have to get rid of him, you are in safe surroundings, possibly with friends nearer?
PS note to Shorts guy, please do not think for a moment I am suggesting YOU would have done this, rather what would have happened had VS been unfortunate enough to have invited back someone less civilised.
Hahaha. So funny. Your best one yet -- from a purely comic standpoint. I'm very sympathetic to the fact it could have turned out much differently, but he thought a shopping cart was a stroller! Sorry. I'm an American; no British expressions for me.
Seriously though, oh man.
D, I think you've got a point: this was atypically reckless behavior from our heroine, but two facts are worthy of note by way of mitigation --
Firstly, she was very drunk.
Secondly, as her date with Mr. Sensitive Guy suggests, she wasn't in the best of spirits. (Yes, that pun was intended.) And look how that "date" turned out!
Taken alone, common sense should have be able to step in earlier (unless she had been really drunk), but collectively -- ? I don't find it that hard to believe; or that damning.
However, I find your question very interesting, d. Any ladies, even VS (if she can find the time and inclination to mix with ordinary mortals), do answer!
Two great dates. By great, I mean awful. At the very least, you avoided something you clearly would have regretted.
Don't despair, the sun shines today: the cruel heaven, then, is perhaps both ready and willing to smile on you.
One more thing, though unrelated: are you trying to suggest you're not from St. Catz? Because if you are, that warning you made -- "I'm keeping an eye on all tall, male St. Catz finalists the age of 21" -- sort of destroys that conceit.
I wonder if I start hanging around the Turf and White Horse all this week I'll be able to spot the VS..
Only joking! Or am I? You decide. Muhahaha.
I've been following this blog for a week or so and trying to decide if it was for real. I'm now convinced it isn't. For a while I thought it was probably a genuine 21-yr-old virgin toying with the idea but probably not planning to go through with it. But these dates are just not believable. The fact that they're getting increasingly ridiculous suggests the writer is looking for ways to keep it interesting; last night's "I nearly got there but didn't" is a clumsy attempt to inject a bit of narrative excitement. Nice idea, but how exactly is someone who met you through your blog as a virgin supposed to have been scared you had a child?
Also, someone would have exposed you by now. If you'd been on that many dates with real guys (about all of whom you've been fairly uncomplimentary), given that any random can post a comment on the site, someone would have said something.
It's quite good fiction. But it is fiction.
Well Marvin, now we just have to ask around for a Catz finalist who does her shopping with a trolley, no? Hmm...tricky one.
D: I think it's safer at the girl's own place, for the reason you said, and also because if you're drunk and distressed it's better to be in surroundings you know/are comfortable in.
marvin marvin marvin
i'm sure you're letting this take over your life ;)
(but as for catz jya's.. do you know kai?)
ahem, also i agree with ar, girls place is somewhat better, more familiar. though it can be hard kicking men out, if you're desperate you can scream at them and they'll leave eventually. as for his place.. harder just to leave. not to mention they won't necessarily make leaving easy...
annonymous, i agree with you really. just look at all the dates. we've had pretty much everything, the tutor, the insecure one, the real life one she met by accident etc etc etc. it all sound very cliche, but entertaining non-the-less
oh, well better work or something :P
In ones own place you know exactly where the shoes with really sharp heels are located... usually under the bed...
Oh shit -- good call anonymous. Well, they were both drunk. It's conceivable he just freaked out. Then again, do I even really care if this is legitimate or not? Probably not. I must, in this case, apply the Jerry Springer rule: if something is entertaining, do not inquire into its veracity.
Truly, the rabbit vibrator thing was pretty out there, so was the tutor actually, but who really knows -- ? In many cases, truth is stranger than fiction...
Let's have a poll. Who buys this whole quest --? I think I still do, actually. Once again, it doesn't matter either way. VS is funny and fascinating, and in all likelihood, a goddess.
Ruskaya, I do know Kai actually. How do you--? How interesting.
And yes, this has taken over my life. Haha, oh well.
ummm, who could shorts guy be? If someone only ever wore shorts, surely everyone in his college would know? Chris Guelff, Magdalen?
Oh who cares who shorts guy is. Though, if we found out his identity, or indeed any the suitors' identities, we could apply persuasion (read:torture) until we learned the identity of VS.
As for anonymous' point about the unlikelihood of none of the guys spilling the secret, maybe she swore them to secrecy and they actually abided by said oath. Really, who's to say they haven't anyway?I mean, hell, even if any of them told other people, surely they'd only tell their friends, so it wouldn't neccessarily become public knowledge, now would it? Or does news travel that fast in Oxford? Am I missing something?
Also, I couldn't see any of them really caring enough to run to the Cherwell or any other public forum to let the news out, though it would certainly be a public service.
Oh geez; hold on a second. God, you're right anonymous. Anyone could post her identity on the site, and anonymously too.
Still, let's look at her suitors-- maybe none of them really care that much; or in the case of AJP and Mr. First Kiss, they may like her enough to remain silent.
Eh. I'm not sure I'm really convinced. Yeah, I'm starting to feel this is a hoax myself.
Oh no, a crisis of faith. Quick, a sign, VS. Any sign. Haha.
marvin, i know you :)
ahem, but your identity will remain intact ;)
as for whether this is real, i don't think there's a hope in hell. it was convincing for a while but methinks it left realism a while back but once you're sucked in its easier to keep believing. still good. thought not quite as good and realistic as 'belle de jour'
pah, i'm lazy
toodles xx
Really? Because I have no idea who you are... I'm intrigued -- who are you?
I've been asking that question too often lately.
Haha.
This is Oxford... we are all mad! Its a prerequisite of entry to this place. Of course truth is going to be stranger than fiction!
ok; well what about this theory
maybe this started out as half-way true; a possibility, a game, but with some real intention/desire behind it.
if this was the case, then the virgin finally realised that actually pursuing this goal would most likely end badly and hence decided to back out, but kept writing for entertainment value, and well let's face it; creating fiction or quasi-fiction is fun. not to mention the amount of power it gives you over readers ;)
and marvin, as for knowing you, this may be slightly tenuous and based on the assumption that your name (as far as I know) isn't actually marvin :P
ahh well, I have a lunch appointment to keep...
god I love this song
No, my name definitely is Marvin. Therefore, it seems we don't know each other. What a shame. You seem charming.
Your suggestion seems plausible. That was probably the most unlikely part of the quest -- one day she decided to chuck it up only to begin again. Refresh my memory someone: did she even give an reason for why that happened?
I'm curious, though. If the quest is a hoax, how likely is it that she's a he; or even an Oxford student?
Something to ponder, I think.
I acknowledge that it was stupid to take a stranger back to my place. I don't intend to do it again.
So now what you're saying is that I should make my posts more dull so that people believe them? The whole situation is bizarre and seems to promote weird things happening to me. Would you really expect the consequences of advertising my virginity on a blog to be dull?
Also, until I read the Cherwell, I'd never heard of The Belle de Jour Blog.
Anyway, believe me or not, it's up to you. I still have enough trusting potential suitors to continue with my mission.
I, like many, suspect that this blog is a mixture of both fact and fiction but should we really deny VS a little creative license if it means that she produces this? Clearly a lot of people are enjoying reading it.
Whoa, hold on a moment, VS. Don't act so aggrieved: a little healthy skepticism is to be expected. Plus, even if we're uncertain whether to believe you, we're clearly going to stick around and cheer you on. Well, I am, at least. The fact we're considering whether it's true indicates, more than anything else, we're genuinely interested; hell, personally invested in my case.
You definitely have a point there though, in your rationale for the wildly bizarre dates. That's why I was willing to believe all of it, am still willing, in fact -- your method promotes weird encounters, encourages them even.
Which bears out what I'm sure someone else said before, or should have anyway: this whole enterprise is kind of counterproductive. You say you don't just want a shag in the park, fair enough, the dregs can be largely screened through the e-mail system, but you will keep getting whackjobs of one kind or another. And even when you meet with someone legitimate, like AJP or Mr. First Kiss, he's not really going to go for it; or it's not likely he will. Simply put, the cards are stacked against you, given your approach.
That said, I think - whether you accomplish your stated aim - you'll definitely profit from seeing this thing through. I think you've already profited from it, in fact.
So keep step. We're right behind you.
Thanks Marvin. I'm also confused because people are using the fact that they don't know who I am as evidence that I don't exist which is odd because even fraudsters have identities.
Just to make an obvious point: to have an account on Oxford Romance, she needs to have a .ox.ac.uk email address - or bribe cupid! :D
So he/she probably is a student. Can't imagine any more seasoned academic writing this vividly... :p
:))
my dear virgin, don't get too defensive! all this skepticism merely points out that you do indeed lead a very interesting life. I am however, still unconvinced, but sadly addicted (hence sitting around here god knows how long when I really should be working)
Marvin.. well well well, this seems sad that I don't know you :)
Perhaps one day we should meet for coffee and banter about blogs, life, reality and such ;)
Sure thing, Ruskaya. Name the time and place, or hell, give me a call, at 07875744112, if you're interested.
Haha, or perhaps if I decide to do my sleuthing after all, I'll bump into you at the Turf, winking (dare I say even in my direction?), at the Turf. Or not.
Oh, and thanks for obvious point, anonymous. So she is a student. Good, I'm glad that's settled. Haha, oh lord. I need to pry myself away from my laptop. This is becoming very unhealthy, I'm afraid.
lololol :)
sigh... all this temptation to avoid work... it's too much.
ok, maybe if i remove myself to the library something magical will happen. (?)
righty, in the meantime, if tomorrow sounds good then tomorrow it should be.
oh dear virgin... would you like to join us? :)
(i love the way virgin has the word 'gin' in it.. )
Okay, just in case you don't read my reply on the other thread, ruskaya, I'm in for one tomorrow.
Oh, and VS -- do join us. You'd be the guest of honor, both feted and festooned. To sweeten the deal, we'd promise to keep your secret safe.
A little bt of virgin and tonic never hurt anyone...
Damn, that sounded like you were amost there.
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