*DATE* The Shallow Bastard

Because the date with Charlie was so short I texted MH, a guy who sent me his mobile number yesterday and asked him if he’d like to meet for a quick drink at The Turf. He accepted almost instantaneously yet arrived half an hour late. Despite seeming charming over email his behaviour was far from polite. His appearance was shabby yet he wore an overwhelming amount of aftershave and I was afraid to get too close to him in case I suffocated from the fumes. He took one look at me and said in a thick Irish accent,
“Right, we’ve seen each other now. Let just be frank. Are you going to sleep with me or not?” My reflexes said,
“No, probably not.” With that, he turned and left. I’m certain I made the right decision.

Current Exclusion Criteria:
-married men
-people who list more than 2 insecurities during any 5 minute period
-people who feel they need to take consecutive showers in order to be truly clean
-people who can’t judge the right and wrong moments to start a kiss
-women
-people who don’t reveal their gender before the date
-people who demand a decision too soon
-people who wear too much aftershave